See No Evil (2006)
Spoilers. And gore.
BAH GAWD! IT’S KANE!! The Kane we all know and love. And this movie is from Ruthless Aggression era. Would Ruthless Aggression reach 2006? I’m thinking it went to 2008. So Kane was actually a badass in both the movie & WWE. Good times. Good. Times. Now, we get half assed Kane, who is cool at times. Like Anger Management, killing Zack Ryder (thanks) and actually being a “Demon” with his feud with Rollins. Let’s kill off “Corporate Kane”, “Concessions Kane” & “Candy Kane” much like the people in this movie. Let’s hope the black guy doesn’t die first this time.
Of course we have to have Vince McMahon involved somehow, as Executive Producer like many WWE Studios movies. Let’s hope Kane doesn’t start jobbing midway through.
We get started with Kane killing a cop, ripping a girl’s eyes out & Star Wars-ing another cop.
Chopping off his hand. Starting off on a good note. Then we get character introductions & I already forgot everyone’s name. I’ll get them when they say it. Like the random jobbers fed to Ryback in his debut. They are all criminals and transported to Blackwell Hotel, lead by the cop with a chopped off hand. So everyone is cleaning, mopping up the bathroom, yada yada…
we get the first kill of these people,
Kane chokeslams the woman in charge & rips her eyes out. What a heel.
Using the eye poke. Eye Poke of Doom puts Kevin Nash to shame.
Adult Film girl, Keira, is kidnapped with a hook in the collarbone. Nicely done. Kane with the brutal kill, hook under the jaw. He then uses the dreaded Eye Poke to Richie (Not Steamboat) as Keira watches.
Now Kane, the c**kblock, chases a couple & honestly these two act so much better than Daniel Bryan & Brie Bella. The girl scales down the building only to be pulled back by Kane, holy s**t he drops her like Gwen Stacey in Amazing Spider-Man 2,
so a dog licks her blood up & calls the other dogs to eat her! Awesome. Kane on that 5 kill streak, shoves a cell phone down the blonde’s throat.
Bet that’s not the only thing going in there. Athankyou! Kane masturbates to Keira. Highlight of the movie. That is. Not the deaths, Kane beating off in front of a girl. Hilarious. There goes the black guy.
Hasn’t made it to the main event!
The following contest is a handicap match scheduled for one fall and is for the WWE Studios Championship! Kane kills his mother by impaling her on the wall.
Fake ass Colin Farrell, Keira & her friend then takes out Kane in the main event by pushing him off a window ledge with a pipe in his eye, hitting everything on the way down, stabbed in multiple places. This death was amazing. Kill of the movie.
“See No Evil” was a great time & I’d say it’s WWE Studios’ best movie. Condemned, The Call & The Marine are the other contenders. Kane was great in his role & played it perfectly. Surprisingly, the actors didn’t piss me off. Although plot leaves some to be desire, they did Kane’s backstory very well. I know his name is Jacob Goodnight, just we all know him as Kane. If I do a Cena movie, I won’t call him by his name in the movie, I’d call him John Cena. Very gruesome with a lot of good deaths & kills. I had a great time watching & you would/did too. If that is all, I recommend you watch this with your friends…then proceed to chase them with a rubber hook. We stay safe here.
Sins Committed: Greed (by WWE)
So, that’s “See No Evil”. Comment on what you thought of the movie & if you have any suggestions, leave them down below or, more preferably, here. I probably won’t do See No Evil 2….
…maybe I will. But not for a while at least. Scene contains a lapdance. I’d like to see Kane return. Oh and you f**king marks that’ll call me out on this because I already did it… yeah, you’re right. I got lazy. This isn’t on the new site so, here you go. Santa’s Little Helper next week everyone! It’s not. But it will be here. So if that is all, I’m out. I’ll see you when I see you.
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